Light Up My Hundred Dollar Bills

Lavish life of luxury. Big cars and homes. Swimming in money like Scrooge McDuck.
That’s what I think of when I think of owning a sports team. Maybe that’s because you have to stock multiple armored trucks with cash in order to be able to afford one.

I can’t imagine the men who ran the early instances of the Toronto Maple Leafs or the New York Yankees would have envisioned the state of the franchises now. Who knows if they even saw them being what they are now – or if they could believe they’ve lasted this long?

I don’t believe being an owner is always a picnic but from the outside it looks like a game played by rich men funded by those who have less.

That’s right – local governments give tax breaks, citizens vote to finance a stadium (they pay for it in taxes but it’s sold as “bonds” or outright donation), fans go to games, buy all kinds of things (including things they don’t need) and the athletes earn tv contracts and other revenue for those owners. Light those Cuban cigars with hundreds boys!  Forget bottles – we’re buying the bar tonight!

Am I missing something?  All this money comes in and they are paying for what? Contracts, salaries and then what?  Stadium upkeep?  There’s sponsorship deals for that. So where is it all going?  Oh right – in their pockets.  I imagine they have to go to their tailor every couple of months to get the pocket on their jacket redone so they can fit more cash in it.  It gets pretty stuffy in there.

Does it not seem like a rich club? There’s about as many people in that club as people in the mountains that have high-speed internet.

I enjoy playing the sports video games that have owner mode or GM mode. The new version of the NHL franchise for Xbox One has an in-depth GM mode with goals that are set by a CPU owner.  There are some that I happen to really enjoy:

“Make X amount this year.”
“Keep salary at X% of the profit this year.”

Yes Mr McDuck.  I’ll make sure to keep the funnel from the arena to the vault at your home running Mr McDuck.

As a player I am given the option of adjusting sliders for the cost of jerseys and shirts in the club shop. I can choose to upgrade bathrooms or club seats and even buy new parking.
However, I go into the club shop section and adjust the price of clothing so that fans can afford it. If a shirt costs the club $20 why am I charging $45? So that the owner can make $68.5 million this year? Get out of here. I’m going to adjust the cost of everything – this makes no sense.

There’s even an option to relocate the team – you know, just in case you AREN’T making ENOUGH money. It’s too bad they don’t give you the option to relocate the New York Rangers to one of those upstate New York casinos they keep talking about. They probably could get some tax breaks and incentives. There are no options in the game for tax breaks. Maybe next year. Too bad they don’t have a button to light up that cigar with a hundred-dollar bill.

Moving on.

I don’t see sports clubs that look like towns in rural areas. There are no owners who are travelling in Geo Metros wearing the same clothes day in and day out.

They aren’t like the mayor of a town with buildings that are condemned, stores closed and a handful of restaurants that are barely edible. Imagine the problems that person must face?

It’s certainly not what Jerry Jones is facing with his mammoth monument to himself that sits on the Texas plain. A giant screen in the center, players walk through a fans area (let’s sell that at high prices!), a pole dancing area sponsored by beer! great!, tons of flashing lights and eye candy that all screams “drop your money!”

Billion to Billions to build the stadium. Tax breaks. Incentives. You know, it’s the NFL. Don’t fight it. We need it. Besides, it’s Jerry! Oil man. He doesn’t have enough money, let’s give him some more.

I get it though. This is a Capitalist system. (Big C.  Whoever has the cash makes the rules. Basic break down – but much more complicated than that.)  It was set up that way from the foundation of the country. We’ve come so far and pushed our ideals throughout the world. It’s now a world economy, not just a national economy. There’s talk of jobs and companies moving here and there – it’s a part of a world economy.

Though some parts of our country can’t communicate with the world because they don’t have access to phones or internet but let’s build Texas Stadium!

I’m getting off topic again.

All that being said – we have to keep paying and giving them what they want. Ya know – the green.  The system is going to keep eating itself, like a snake eating it’s tail. Will it ever catch itself? That’s the question that we may or may not ever see the answer to. Until we come up with a better solution than capitalism we have no choice than to hold our lit hundreds up every time some rich person passes with a cigar. Here’s mine – light ’em up. Just don’t tell Mr McDuck the shirts are half off in the club store!

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